Right now, it’s three days before Easter. *groan*

Our priest almost every Sunday during Lent, asks the congregation while he’s giving his homily, 

“Have you done enough? 

Are you ready? 

Has it been a good week? 

Have you felt a good sting?” 

I love being honest here, (writing under a pen name does make things a little easier) but seriously, I’d share this with anyone. Every Easter I’ve ever had, (I’m 22 years old if that gives you an idea), I’ve never ever, ever felt ready for Easter. So, when our priest would ask this question, “are you ready for Easter?”, I would get bitter and defensive because I didn’t know what “ready” meant. What did it feel to be “ready” for Easter? What did it mean to “have a good week”? What qualified as “enough”? And to feel a good sting? I felt a good sting just by the priest interrogating me! 

We have three more days… *begins biting nails in panic*On this previous Palm Sunday, I sat there thinking one horrifying thought; that I didn’t feel invited. I didn’t feel worthy enough to go to vigil mass, to celebrate Easter, to even rejoice. Why? Maybe because I had had a drink with a few friends when I’d given up alcohol; or because one day, I had a slice of cake AND ice cream; or because on Tuesday I binged watched my favorite YouTuber because I told myself it had been a hard day and I needed a little reprieve. I had made excuses, given in, and let myself give into temptation. Even though I’d done a really, really good job of keeping my Fiat90 obligations, (if you’ve never heard of Fiat90, I’ll write a post soon about that), done a novena to St. Joseph, used a Lenten guide and booklet, done several holy hours, and actually strove long and hard on my spiritual life. Girls, I’ve sweated spiritual water through this Lent – I went at this Lent haaaaaard, like a freakin’ Rocky. I’ve never felt closer to God in my life. And in spite of all of this, I didn’t feel worthy or wanted on Easter. 

“Are you ready?? 

Have you done enough?? 

Will you have a joyful Easter??”

I finally came up with an answer to this and all the doubts swirling in my head: 

“Nope. I’m not ready.” 

And Neither are you, dear girl. 

You. Are. Not. Ready. You’re not ready for Easter. You’re not even ready for Good Friday. You’re not ready to have the glory and power of God displayed before you. You’re not ready to walk with Jesus in His passion. You’re not ready to stand under that Cross and watch Him breath His last. You’re not ready. And you’ll never be. Period. 

Hun, I think we miss the entire, the whole kit-and-caboodle, the enormous big picture of Easter, if we sit there on Easter vigil in our pew, waiting for mass to start and whisper to ourselves, “I’m SO ready for this!!!!” Just because we did all the things; because we didn’t eat meat on Fridays, and we kept to whatever fast or offering we had, and we read the bible daily, and said our Lenten prayers, and did all the things that deem us “ready for Easter”…does not mean we are ready for Easter. 

What Easter boils down to is one simple truth: we do not deserve the Love of God. We don’t deserve what the Resurrection means or brings for us. We don’t deserve the sacrifice of Jesus, a perfect and spotless sacrificial Lamb. We don’t deserve the gates of heaven being torn down, the veil ripped away, the saving grace of an all mighty, all powerful, immoral God. We just plumb don’t. 

Let’s get basic here: God gave His only Son because we – a fallen and corrupt people – needed a Savior. And God loved us – yes, the weak, sinful, spiteful, lowly creatures of you and I – so much that He made His Son the ultimate and only worthy sacrifice. God allowed humanity to take His Son, break Him, beat Him, humiliate Him, and kill Him, in order that those same people might be saved. So where in this, do you see that we are ever worthy of an Easter? Or feel called to celebrate the death of an innocent and holy God-made-Man? 

We are not worthy; yet God thinks we’re priceless and let His Son be murdered to save us. We may feel like we’re not invited; yet God has cleared a space for us at the High Feast every mass and welcomes us by saying, “Eat of my flesh and drink of my blood”. We will never do enough or be enough; yet Jesus says, “You’re enough to Me”.

Doing all the things doesn’t make Easter. Having your little bean sacrifice jar full by Good Friday doesn’t make you “ready” for Easter. Having your Lenten guide all filled out and complete doesn’t make you “ready” for Easter. You’re ready for Easter by accepting that you will never be ready and giving yourself – as you are – to Jesus. 

Easter is a time of hope and joy; hope for salvation of a people who are not worthy of the love of an amazing God, but are still loved anyway; joy, because we see death – our previous doom and gloom – completely and utterly obliterated by a God who wishes us to be united with Him in Heaven one day, and will do everything to break any sort of barriers that might stand in the way. And it’s a season of revival, because we can look behind us and say, “Yes, I struggled and yes I wasn’t able to do all the things. But I can try again! I have the hope, I have the joy, I have the energy in striving again”. 

So, I invite you on Easter vigil to sit in the darkness of blissful, wonder-filled silence. Sit and whisper to yourself, “I’m not ready for this…and this is SO amazing”. Because it is amazing! Not only did Christ conquer death and evil and Satan, but because we little, pesky, sniveling humans are welcomed into the glory and love of God, even though we don’t deserve it! Even though we’re not ready for it! And that’s okay. Because that is what Easter is all about. 

Only three days away…aren’t you excited now!? 

Dear ladies, I’m praying that ya’ll have a blessed Easter. May the voices that tell you, you’re not worthy or wanted this Easter, be drowned out by the chorus of angels that are beckoning you to rejoice and share in the beauty of the Resurrection of Christ and the victory over Death. My favorite Easter worship song this year is “Springtime” by Chris Renzema – I encourage you to look it up, meditate on it, and memorize the words. We will sing a new song, for sure! We are coming back to life, yes! His love is like springtime, amen!  

Sincerely,

the Small Woman